Obviously, I haven't updated in a long time...

I'm sure the few of you who used to read my blog know that I miscarried. I m/c within two weeks of finding out I was pregnant. I was devastated, but by the time it was all said and done, I was relieved to just know what was going on. When I started spotting, I was a complete mess. I went to my ob immediately. They didn't see anything on the ultrasound (I wasn't even 5 weeks, yet). My progesterone level was 11. My betas were decent. So, I left with a prescription in hand for progesterone, and cried the entire way home. I tried to be positive the entire next week, but I just knew something was wrong. I know 1 in 4 women bleed during pregnancy, but I just knew. The bleeding would stop and start, so you can only imagine how I felt. My emotions were all over the place. When I would have been 5 1/2 weeks, they did another u/s and checked blood work. Both confirmed that I was miscarrying.

I was relieved that I finally knew what was happening. The pregnancy sypmptoms were getting stronger, so it was scary wondering if I was losing the baby or just going to have complications. Having uterine didelphys, I have no idea what I should be expecting, especially since this was my first pregnancy.

I had to go back in once or twice a week to do blood work. I would get the lab orders from my ob's office, then head to the lab downstairs to take my blood. It was so overwhelming to walk through there and see all the women who just got a BFP, had their first check-up, a new baby. All the women with successful pregnancies. I tried to push the resentment and jealousy out of my mind. I didn't want to feel those things. It just sucked all the way around.

I bled for 2 more weeks, stopped for around 4 days and then had my period. I just got off my second one and I'm waiting to ovulate. DH and I are ready to start TTC again! The doctor said everything should be fine. Wish me luck!

I feel terrible for the women who have stillborn babies, miscarry later during pregnancy, etc. It's so tough and I couldn't imagine going through it again. I am trying to be positive and be happy that I got pregnant in the first place. I always worried that I would be infertile, with my situation. I think it would have been so much harder had I seen the heartbeat or anything.

I will say one thing; God works in mysterious ways. My sister and I had a falling out 3 years ago. I tried to talk to her several times, but she wanted nothing to do with me. My mother lives in Ohio, and was planning a visit to where I live. I was waiting to tell her in person, because I would have been around 8 weeks when she came. Instead, I called her the day my m/c was confirmed to tell her the news. My sister has PCOS, but cannot afford treatment to remove the fibroids and start treatment. I told my mom she could tell my sister what happened, thinking she might find some comfort knowing she wasn't the only one with TTC issues.

My sister called me that evening. We talked for the FIRST time in a very, long time. We are planning a visit with each other and talk on a regular basis. I had been praying for my sister to get passed everything, and move forward. I had already forgiven her, but I just wanted us to be close again. I truly believe God could have used my m/c to bring us back together. I'll never know, but it does make me feel better about the situation.

Anyway, I just wanted to update. Hope you all are doing well!